KITA SATU TEAM
(10/12/2011)
On my wedding reception, Ayah gave a lengthy speech on marriage's do's and don'ts.. Those who attended would remember how long his speech was.. Ada dua pesanan yang sangat terkesan dihati, satu ialah, "its the second word that starts the quarrel" dan, "dalam perkahwinan tak ada you you, i i, ada kita".
Maka setelah dipesan berkali kali di dalam reception ballroom tu dihadapan 500 tetamu, hiduplah kami berdua bersama berpegangkan pesanan ayah tadi.
We don't have a perfect marriage. We are just like any other couple. We fight, we argue on certain things, we this we that just like any other couple. However, setiap kali kita nak start arguement, one of us will quickly say sorry and then we will both forget it. Kita akan ingatkan each other that its the second word that starts the quarrel.
At the end of the day, we will always be on the same team, macam ayah pesan, dalam perkahwinan cuma ada "kita". Just take a deep breath, hug each other and say sorry. Lower your tone. Bila itu prinsip kita, kita menang pun tak untung, kalah pun tak rugi because kita kan satu team. I know some other couples yang macam tu juga and they lead a happy marriage life. Anak-anak pun membesar dengan baik. But i also know some other couple yang jadi rival each other, as in when they fight they build a fortress and they keep going, they fall out of "kita" and become defensive. Nobody ever died of swallowing pride yet masing-masing still refuse to say sorry. Last-last tu jadi nak tengok, siapa menang siapa kalah. You cannot be a team, when u start going i i , u u.
I guess, my parents thought me by example. Ayah and ibu are good teammates. They spend their time mostly together. Masak sama-sama, rest sama-sama, ayah buat bisnes pun nak ibu ikut, ibu is dependant on ayah, and ayah pun dependant on ibu. Pakai baju nak matching-matching. They never forget each other's birthday, they celebrate their anniversary. Ayah ibu tak berkira duit ringgit, susah senang sama-sama. They are very supportive of each other and after all this years, they are still smitten. They call each other 'Yang' and say I love u, they hug each other and kiss each other when bidding goodbye, they maintain good relationship dgn both family, ibu jaga arwah tok mcm mak sendiri and ayah 26 tahun jaga arwah opah mcm mak sendiri.
Bila i dah kahwin, i naturally imitate my growing up surrounding. I become the reflection of my parents. I become selfless, and lucky me my husband pun mcm tu because he imitates his growing up surrounding juga. I remember at one time masa nak bayar for something, my friend terkejut tengok i minta Saif wallet instead of duit. She said, dia nak minta duit husband dia pun tak dapat, i minta wallet pun boleh? When u r a team, it doesnt matter, my wallet is his, his is mine. My phone is his, his is mine. We keep no secret. Whatever is in the past, is in the past. We look forward and we both want the best for our 'team'. So we protect each other, we become each other's pillar of strength.
We accept each other's weaknesses and only talk about the good ones. Kita kan satu team.
Forget about siapa yang akan menang masa bergaduh, isteri menang ke, suami menang ke, dua dua rugi. Bcz dalam proses nak menang tu we will say hurtful things yang sometimes we dont mean. Kadang tu sampai naik tangan, pinggan terbang. Anak-anak melihat and instinctively when they grow up, they will feel its normal and then history will repeat itself. Ni nak raya ni, instead of happy2, ada je suami isteri gaduh because dua dua nak balik kampung masing-masing. Kadang tu sorang balik sini, sorang balik sana. Shouldnt be that way, bincanglah, jadi "kita" instead of "saya". Remember, ur partner is ur teammate.
Kurangkan bagi arahan. Lebihkan bagi cadangan.
A) yang, tahun lepas dah balik kampung u, tahun ni balik kampung i.
B) yang, apa kata tahun ni kita balik kampung i..sebab last year balik kampung u kan kan..
Ada beza tak?
Berlembut suaralah.
Yang isteri kena pandai pujuk-pujuk. Suami mesti cair punya. Kalau dulu sebelum kahwin boleh pujuk-pujuk boleh gedik-gedik, why change jadi singa lepas kahwin? Suami pun kenalah lembut hati sikit. Adil ialah meletakkan sesuatu pada haknya. Kalau tahun lepas balik kampung suami, tahun ni kampung isteri la pulak. Kita kan satu team? Dah sampai kampung pasangan jangan duduk je dalam bilik pulak, keluarlah untuk bermesra dengan keluarga mertua. Ambil hati mak pak mertua. Bukan bodek, ambil hati. Tak rugi jadi baik.
Perkahwinan ni bila direstui dan didoakan ramai orang especially ibu ayah, u can never believe how much it can prosper.
Rasulullah s.a.w was a romantic man. Sampai tidur depan pintu rumah sebab taknak kejutkan Aisyah r.a yg sedang tidur. But what not all of us know, at the same time, Aisyah r.a pun tertidur di balik pintu tu kerana takut tak terjaga apabila Rasulullah pulang. Kisah cinta agung.
The prophet was deeply in love with his wife, so was the wife. Apa kata kita tiru akhlak Rasulullah dan isterinya ni dalam rumah tangga kita? Semoga Allah berikan keberkatan, berikan rahmat dan kebahagiaan sampai Jannah.
InsyaAllah.
